hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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