And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
