dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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