I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
