I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
