Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
