i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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