11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
