pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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