she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
