she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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