dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
