Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
honey bunches of taint.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
