I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
