Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
