ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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