youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
