So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
