we're blogging at a bar
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
