I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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