how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
