Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
