Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
