I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
