We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
