I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
