Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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