I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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