They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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