i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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