There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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