Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
