she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
