Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
