so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
