$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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