Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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