And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
