my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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