That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
