he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
