I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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