Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
