I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
