I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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