i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
