I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
