There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
