I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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