If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im having a threesome with these popsicles
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
