Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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