He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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