i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
