I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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