All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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