i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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