I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
