you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
