i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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