If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
