Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
