Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
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Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
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It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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