I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
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This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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