literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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