also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
