somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had one of those small greek statue penises
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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