Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
