is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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