This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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