i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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