you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
