a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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