yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You made out with two different species that night
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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