Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i already hear my dad disowning me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
