worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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