I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
