This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
